MERCEDES-AMG'S BIGGEST AND SMALLEST

Mercedes Amgs Biggest And Smallest 1 According to my colleagues and friends, I’ve been rather distracted of late, staring off into space and muttering unintelligible things under my breath. I’ve also been having flashbacks and trouble sleeping at night. And I’ve been hearing voices (although I think that might be a pre-existing condition.)

According to Internet psychoanalysis (which we all know is never wrong), this isn’t a convenient excuse for laziness and skiving off at work. Apparently, I’m suffering from some sort of post-traumatic stress, though I think it’s completely understandable. I’ve spent the better part of 72 hours with a pair of AMG cars that pack a combined total of close to 1000bhp.

The basic idea for this self-inflicted (though exceptionally entertaining) ordeal was to see if the respective bookends of the AMG range are similar in spirit, if completely dissimilar in price and size.

Mercedes Amgs Biggest And Smallest 6 On one hand, you have AMG’s dramatic, gullwing-doored flagship, the SLS, said to be the spiritual successor to the legendary 300 SL of the 1950s. And in the blue corner is the A45, which is based on the A-Class hatch. The only thing remotely gullwing about the A45 is when its boot is open, and even then, only when viewed from the side.

And then they’re different because of how much they cost. The A45 is intended to be one of the pillars of AMG’s “Performance 50” masterplan (read more about it in our interview with its current boss, Tobias Moers on page 22), one of whose aims is to increase sales by 50 per cent to around 30,000 units, in time for AMG’s 50th birthday in 2017. Yes, the A45’s $301,888 price tag is hardly chump change, but let’s not also forget how little it costs next to the SLS.

As befits a flagship, it comes with an equally flagship-y price tag, something in the region of a million dollars ($1,015,888, to be precise), minus options. Feel like adding that fancy-looking, semi-matte Alubeam Silver paint or ceramic brakes? That’ll be $33,600 and $46,700, thank you. A different colour for the forged alloy wheels costs $3,700, which is, by any measure, quite expensive.

Mercedes Amgs Biggest And Smallest 7 Then they’re also different because of the respective engines they’re equipped with. The SLS is about as AMG as they come, that is, it’s a Teutonic muscle car with no shortage of muscle. Come to think of it, that isn’t entirely accurate – the SLS isn’t just muscle-bound, it’s almost terminally over-subscribed there, packing a 6.2-litre V8 that produces 591bhp.

That epic motor, likely to be the last of the great, naturally aspirated AMG V8s (future engines are likely to feature some form of turbocharging to help meet increasingly stringent EU emissions regulations), makes the A45’s 2-litre inline-4 look almost toy-like.

And indeed, the A45, especially when sat down next to the SLS, does look a bit like a bit of a plaything. It’s easy to dismiss the A45 as a cynical little object cooked up by the bean-counters in Mercedes-Benz’s marketing department to sell more cars to people desperate for a bit of AMG badge snobbery. After all, the doubting Thomases do have a point – the A45 is AMG’s first ever hatchback, and most damning of all, the first to have a 4-cylinder engine. Oh, the horror.

Mercedes Amgs Biggest And Smallest 8 So, just how could an ikan bilis be worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as a marauding shark? Well, you know what they say about how it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, what matters more is the size of the fight in the dog.

And the A45 certainly isn’t lacking in fight or bite. It’s got a power output of 360bhp (that’s 180bhp per litre of displacement), courtesy of a turbocharger that generates a whopping 1.8bar of boost. Zero to 100km/h is taken care of in 4.6 seconds, which can seem like an eternity next to the SLS’ century sprint timing of 3.7 seconds, but let’s not also forget that the A45’s benchmark dash timing is something that would give a Ferrari from 20 years ago serious cause for concern.

It helps, too, that in addition to bite, the A45 has plenty of bark – its engine note could cause most petrolheads to get all tingly in the unmentionables. Despite the relatively tiny displacement, full-bore upshifts are accompanied by a rifle-like crack and even at idle, it has a lumpy, angry growl.

Mercedes Amgs Biggest And Smallest 9 In short, the A45’s “voice” sounds positively pornographic, and while different from the SLS’, it’s most definitely no slouch there. And since we’re talking about how the noise our AMG dynamic duo make, books could be written about the beautiful cacophony the SLS’ V8 can generate. Specifically, books that have plenty of lurid pictures in them. You know, the kind you might want to keep hidden from more prudish folk.

But more than what all the tangible elements above can say (and here’s the crucial bit) is how both the SLS and A45 have an uncanny ability to plaster a silly grin on your face.

Now, we’re not entirely sure how this all-important feeling of “AMG-ness” is achieved, though if we had to hazard a guess, we’d say the noise from their respective engines and the downright frisky nature of their chassis might have something to do with it.

Mercedes Amgs Biggest And Smallest 10 Or perhaps it’s something even more unmeasurable, done through some feat of German engineering ingenuity… and possibly also involving the neighbourhood bomoh along with some sacrificial goats.

But whichever way it is, one thing is abundantly clear – AMG is doing something right. The A45 and the SLS may be poles apart in terms of engine displacement and position in the model hierarchy, but both have remarkably similar, outrageous personalities.

Now, in an ideal world you wouldn’t have to choose – you’d simply get both cars. The A45 for a blast down to the shops, and the SLS for when you want to call forth some V8-powered thunder.

Mercedes Amgs Biggest And Smallest 11 However, if you live in a world where an SLS costs more than your home and right kidney combined, you won’t feel shortchanged in the least if you sprung for the A45. It is, in spite of its tiny size and engine, every bit a proper AMG car.

And now, it’s high time I sought out some professional help. My fingers are still trembling, my right foot is twitching involuntarily and every so often, I think I hear a backfire crackle from a hand-built engine tuned to within an inch of its life.

My soul certainly thanks me for the experience, as does my therapist, who is no doubt rubbing his hands in glee at the money he’s about to be making off me…

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