One of the most memorable lines (and there are plenty) in William Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet goes: “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. And David seems to agree, too. He said on Monday that Ferrari could call its new car anything it liked and it would still be as desirable. I find this difficult to disagree with. If Maranello called its new car the “Turd”, I’d still want one.
However, while that might be true, I’d also find it hard to be proud of it, sexy and blindingly rapid though it might be. I drive a Renault Clio, and while I’m absolutely in love with the way it drives, I also love its name. You see, the car is named after one of the Muses in Greek mythology. Specifically, Clio is the Muse of history, which is appropriate, because I like to consider myself quite the history buff.
At any rate, let’s just say I drove something like the Honda That’s (the apostrophe isn’t a typo). I mean, can you imagine the sort of conversations I’d have with people if they asked what car I drove?
Person: So, what car do you drive?
Me: A That’s.
Person: That’s what?
Me: Yes, a That’s.
Person: What’s that? That’s?
Me: I just told you. A That’s.
Person: ARGHHH!
And at this point, the person asking me the question will fly into a rage and proceed to beat me senseless.
Anyway, before you think I’m singling out Honda for ridicule, some other car manufacturers are just as guilty. Toyota has a glitzed-up version of its Voxy/Noah MPV called the Esquire (pictured above) complete with an enormous chromed grille and very JDM metallic purple paint. Incidentally, its ad campaign features Batman. No, not Bruce Wayne, but his crime-fighting alter-ego. The only connection I can see between this and Batman is how its front end resembles the supervillain, Bane.
Then there’s the Nissan Pao. Apparently, it’s named after a tent used by Mongolian nomads, and while silly, it’s at least rather descriptive, as the car looks vaguely tent-like. It also looks like a steamed bun (as in char siew bao), so again, appropriate.
But I might be a little harsh in the case of the Pao. Because of linguistic/cultural differences, some car names might be unavoidably funny, or in worst case scenarios, downright rude. I know this, because during the international press test-drive of the Kia Cerato Forte Koup in Korea, a Ukrainian journo asked at the press conference if the automaker would be renaming the car in his home market. The reason being “Cerato” is Ukrainian slang for the male, ahem, appendage.
But do these silly (and/or rude) names make those cars any better or worse? Well, not really. So yes, Shakespeare (and David, for that matter) are right and names don’t matter. But still, I just wish carmakers would think long and hard about naming their cars, if only to avoid embarassment when telling people what car you drive.
I mean, silly is one thing, but it’s something else entirely if you tell people you’re driving an… appendage. Can you imagine the awkward social situations that might arise? It could make you look like a bit of an appendage…
