The idea here is for you the motorist to “decorate” yourself so as to soup up your motoring persona. And these are the five crucial things you need to look like a motoring enthusiast…
1. AUTOMOTIVE APPAREL. Wear it at every opportunity. Officially licensed (or unofficially unlicensed) clothes branded as Ferrari and Lamborghini work well, for obvious reasons. F1-themed threads from the likes of Red Bull, Mercedes, McLaren, Williams and Lotus are also effective at conveying the message that you’re a motorsport nut – regardless of whether you’re forged in solid steel or simply forged.
2. CHRONOGRAPH WATCH. The right watch not only tells the time, it also indicates your potential (realised or otherwise) to own a speedy number somewhere in the carpark. Even if you’re a poor boyracer, just wear a decent chronograph that’s at least remotely related to motor racing.
3. POWER PHONE. An expensive Vertu co-designed with Ferrari or Bentley would be just the ticket. For the rest of us in the real world who do not own supercars and grand tourers, we could specify a loud Le Mans or racy engine ringtone, install a rally-car wallpaper on the screen, or clad our mobile phone in carbon fibre-inspired stickers.
4. DRIVING SHOES. Thin-soled driving shoes are a lot less comfortable than regular sneakers and look a little ridiculous in the workplace. But they suggest to all and sundry that you’re an expert at heel-and-toe footwork in the car’s footwell, even though your last attempt to perform the fancy footwork caused a sprained ankle and a bruised big toe.
5. HELMET WITH BALACLAVA. Parked prominently on your table at home or in the office, the seemingly well-used automotive headgear would prompt people to ask the inevitable question, to which your standard nonchalant reply should be: “Yes, I hit Sepang whenever I can. Need a bit more practice to crack two and a half minutes.” Never mind if you’re referring to the highly realistic Sepang Circuit game on your video game console. Never mind, too, if the helmet actually serves as a heavy-duty paperweight and the balaclava is used as a chamois to clean said paperweight.
